cancer, fear, art

so much of my art is about living and the conflict and the struggle of life.

it seems to be about how important life is to me: how i want to live.

but it doesn't address my fear.

I am terrified that i'll become sick again, that the leukemia will come back, that my late effect diseases will incapacitate me, that i will die. i really don't want to die. i don't even have that negative a view of death, but i really like being alive.

but the fear of change (death is change) can limit my full embrace of life. just as fear of judgment limited my ability to express myself artistically, fear of death is limiting my full expression of life.

I want to capture this in my art - to put it out there for others to see, for me to confront.

but i don't know how.